Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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