I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
