I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's just like the Real World with babies
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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