you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
honey bunches of taint.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
