he looks like a really good dad on facebook
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wear drunk well.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
