when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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