Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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