paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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