I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize