I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
