he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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