I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
