we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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