Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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