my phone needs a breathalizer
she looked like the before picture.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
