The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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