you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
