god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
