We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize