I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
