I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize