We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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