i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
