I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
