Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
