I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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