I'm drive I can fine osifer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
