I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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