dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
