these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
