At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
