I must be too annoying 4 u.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
50% drunk capacity currently
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
