I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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