Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
