Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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