I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
