I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my shit smells like andre
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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