is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
