I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
