Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
