She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize