She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
