Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
