I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
