Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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