You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
