we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
