I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
