She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
