After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
