yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
