god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
