Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
