look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
