In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
