If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
