hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
