i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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