Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize