Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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