can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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