we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
