Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize