I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
