i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
