I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
