your room smells of hookers.
And success
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
