i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How external is "for external use only"?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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