Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
