My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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