I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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