Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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