Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
