I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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