She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
