ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
