We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
