I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
