Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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