Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
organizing the empties. That sober.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize