Non-Jews are for practice
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
