return my video game
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
