He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
