did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
