Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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