You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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