I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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