I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize