I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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