WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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