Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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