She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
