she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
