Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
