i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
