She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
