Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
