i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think people are normalizing furries
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
