I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize