do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
