dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
