so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
